It’s time. I’ve already given myself two months to gauge my new job. For weeks, I’ve deliberated not only with family and friends, but most terribly with myself, on whether I should stick around and continue with my new post. But I think it has already come to a point where the negatives are overwhelming the positives. I understand the consequences of these decisions: a return to the...
the music we make
I was quite fortunate to grow up in a household that not only encouraged music but used it to strengthen the bond between family members. No, we were not a von Trapp family, far from it in fact, but we loved music and made sure our home was filled with every kind of sound. My paternal grandfather was what you would call a piano widower, playing the instrument by ear, although he was equally...
the christmas letter
Dear George, When I said goodbye, I had hoped for some measure of opposition, or at least, some inclination to any form of affection that would be seen appropriate for the moment. There was none. You offered no challenge. No shadow of doubt was cast upon my decision to leave. And it was all right, I suppose. Maybe it was better leaving with no attachments. Maybe it was better to have gone away...
I still remember that day. A bunch of young boys bullying my best friend. They called him names. They called him gay. They said he was weak. A sissy. A lady. I don’t know exactly what came over me as I watched my best friend taunted in class, the teacher oblivious to the childish scene at the back of the room. All I know was that blood rushed into my ear, and soon my heart was pumping fast,...
what I wanted to say
Today, I tried patching up what was, well, quite a damaged friendship. Suffice to say, I ended up swallowing my pride. Not because human respect prevented me from saying what I wanted to. Not because I was filled with remorse for being so quick to judge. Rather, a great disappointment overcame me. At the end of the day, emotional arguments no longer work for me. I wasn’t convinced. Instead,...
nothing changes if nothing changes
If there is anything I am most proud of, it has to be my work ethic. I’m obsessed with results. Once a person asks me for a favor, delegates me to a specific task, or demands from me a finished product within a given time frame, I make sure I finish it. No excuses. I’ve always been good at this. Too good in fact. When I was still studying, I was overly grade-conscious. I took account of...
Excerpt from Ricky Lee's "Para Kay B"
Alam mo ba ang ibig sabihin ng conjure? Isa ka bang Capital S? Me quota ang pag-ibig. Sa bawat limang umiibig ay isa lang ang magiging maligaya. Kasama ka ba sa quota? “May nagsabi na Relative ang pagiging masaya pero hindi ba excuse lang yan ng mga malulungkot..” Ito ang teorya ng Writer: Me quota ang pag-ibig. Sa bawat limang umiibig, isa lang ang magiging maligaya. Ang iba,...
Aladdin: Franco’s thoughts on male company
Hang out with the boys. That was my mother’s advice. It was the same thing I heard from a priest long ago, when I was still too young to understand my sexuality, and too naive I thought I could change it. During my critical adolescent years, I was surrounded by gay friends and female friends. We were, like everyone in high school, a clique. We called ourselves “FedEx” - a play on the logistics...
a letter to the ladies
I write this as I finish a horrible burger I ordered from one of many fast food chains so ubiquitous in the city. There is tremendous self pity involved, on how I can settle for such a sloppy meal, where the patty is merely fried, not grilled, and the sauce is a calculated mix of mayonnaise and catsup. Decent it is. A meal it is not. I write this knowing I should have written about this a long...
collection: george & michal
For george lemon and vines George, yes, George dear George I am terribly sorry for the distress this would cause you; outnumbered, preyed, hunted with sheer ferocity dear George, will I ever be forgiven? my great joy. my prolonged sorrow cool evenings tempered by fervid longings – sweetness undefiled! George, to you I reach to be consoled; not loved out of pity. to your strong arms I...
highlights from a conversation
It was an expected call. But it was needed. “I’m always struggling to win a man’s approbation. I don’t know what to do. I don’t want to talk to him anymore.” “You don’t have to do that.” “It turns out he’s also another one of those jerks.” “Well, boys will be boys. You just have to be strong and mature.” “I expected him to be more sensitive. Of all people, I expected that of him the...
Between skin and skin, there is only light.– John Fowles (via claudere)
The Rush: Epilogue
RE: Floren: Thank You and Well Wishes 9:07 p.m. Floren, Thank you for your kind words. I appreciate your reassurance that everything will be okay. I do hope everything will be okay. I remember Henryk really well. He used to join Michal and I playing family computer. It is good to know that he, and your daughters, are all well-accomplished and succeeding in their chosen career. Give my...
The Rush: Part Four
Charlie, Ria, Joanna and I went to the football field to rest our minds, and breathe. I guess it was information overload for them. Michał was always a myth, a disjointed figure from the essays and poetry I wrote; and now, he was clearer than a summer day. We were quiet for the most part, as we looked into the distant buildings being constructed around the university. The sky would be soon be...
The Rush: Part Three
“I spent third year high school making up stories. Every day and night, I thought of a lie, a set up where I could put Andy in a bad light. To make it fail-safe, I anticipated the possible questions that people were to ask. That way, I could answer in a heartbeat. If I was good at something, it would be with details. Head to toe, one end to another, I made sure every story had a physical...
The Rush: Part Two
“It was odd. I had no inkling something was to happen. Nothing was significant about a November night, a humid one for that matter. Was it a lucky night? Well, superstitious beliefs were something I despised, and zodiac signs were completely idiotic. Michał knew that. The best word to describe that evening was random. We were both headed home from school when out of the blue, he just told...
The Rush: Part One
For our English 105 class, we were to share lengthily a personal experience that changed our life. Public speaking had been the main focus this semester and we were to finish it with a half-hour, informal speech about an experience we remembered the most. It didn’t take me long to pick out that life-changing moment. Mine was actually something I’d rather forget. I had been aching to share it...
After two weeks, eleven pages and over seven-thousand words, I was finally able to finish “my story”. It’s actually more of an essay come to think of it. But I owe this one to a good friend and colleague, A, who in more ways than one, actually own this story. Her tale brought a greater understanding of how choices change our lives, and how our juvenile fears can often lead us to decisions with...
He had the greenest eyes. But the shades varied under light. In brightness, it was cool mint which soothed the object of the gaze. Nearing dusk, it was softened by the running sun, and recalled the green moss which crept in and out of the garden’s crevices. At night, it would glow, a laser beam cutting through the dark and separating the space where his vision steadied, and where my heartbeat...
The disquiet of regret is a pebble thrown in the stillest pond - the ripples...